Back in January, The Telegraph had an article about a survey conducted by Muso, a new magazine for the hipper, younger classical music fans. Muso’s survey attempted to glean some facts about the sex lives of musicians.
Viola players, it seems, are “most likely to have sex on a first date”, “most likely to have had sex three or more times in the last week” and “most likely to have had 10 or more sexual partners” (presumably not all at once).
Perhaps it’s because they have so little time left to practise that violists are the constant butt (forgive me) of jokes such as: “How do you know when a viola’s being played out of tune?” Answer: “The bow is moving.”
Predictably, guitarists were “the most likely to have had a one-night stand” and tuba players not only played “the least sexy instrument” but were also “most likely to be single”.
As for the answer everyone wanted to know: “Which musicians make the best lovers?” – cellists.
Now Ken Russell – yes, that Ken Russell – has announced that he is publishing four novel-biographies, in two sets, about . . . well, it’s not hard to figure out once you see the titles: (Volume 1) Beethoven (Confidential) & Brahms Gets Laid ; (Volume 2) Elgar: The Erotic Variations & Delius: A Moment with Venus .